99% of the time

I have been working very hard over the past two years to try to conquer the beast within. Sound ridiculous? Well.....I'm often driven by emotion. Sometimes something very small can set me off. I have cried at commercials. Sometimes, they're not even sad. I scream at people in my car when they drive retarded because they're busy chatting away on their phones. I get pissed off when bad things happen to my friends and family. I'm that kind of person. In my younger days, I was the type of girl who threw punches. I never gave two shits how big you were. Now, I'm a parent, and I don't want my children to witness this sociopathic behavior...so as I said earlier, I am trying to tame the beast. I am concious of these behaviors. I take medication to help even me out, and to ward off migraines. ( they are related-believe it or not! and the drug is my savior.) I eat a healthy diet, and I excersize regularly to make sure I feel my best. Hell, I even take to my blog to vent.


But there are times like today, when I feel like I have tried all the alternative routes. I have talked till I am blue in the face, a million second chances have been given, and still someone very, very dear to me I am watching get kicked around. Well, at least I am watching him be scapegoated so someone else can be blameless. And because of my Momma bear complex, sisterly love or a good old fashioned pissing contest I want nothing more than to go out and give a well deserved Trimboli- style Beat Down. And it truly shames me. I hate war and violence. I hate that part of me. But its always kind of there. I don't think women are supposed to have this problem, and I feel such inner guilt over these feelings. It isnt right to let people make you feel this way. Normally, I am able to let it go. But every once in awhile.....

Will I ever be able to function without this anger mechanism? Or am I destined to be an angry old bitch?