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Thursday, September 4, 2008

and down will come baby...

Sometimes I think that i am living in a Bob Seeger song. Seriously. I am Running against the Wind, so to speak. I do not mean this in a good way.
This will be an especially dreary post, and I'm sure it won't be long lived. But for the time being, I am melancholy. I don't know what or who I should be, only that I am no longer cutting it. It seems that I constantly do and say the wrong things. Those I look to for guidance in these matters are the ones who seem completely opposed to me at my core.

Normally, I don't care what anyone thinks. But this is different. This is my heart. Where did I go wrong that I have become such an incompetent moron? And why did a strong, self confident woman become one who lives inside her head questioning her every move, crippled with anxiety?

I am so tired of always ending up being wrong, after trying my damndest to always do the right thing and appease everyone. I am just so tired. I am very disapointed in myself. I am disapointed in alot of things. Mostly I hate that I have gotten so good at being a gracious loser, and appologizing for things I shouldnt. But that is the way of my world. And now I have to get back to my life, full of people who depend on me for more than they even realize, and yet think I am very unimportant. But hey, this pity party is over and my big girl pants are on.

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